In Memorandum
by Andil
Summary: Companion Peice for Return to Youth- Hermione is given permission by Snape to look into his pensieve chap 4 up! Snape remembers his mother...
1. The First Memory

A/N- This is a companion piece to my story Return to Youth, a bit ahead in the future, but I wanted to get his memories down because they have been swimming around in my head for a while.  Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer- The only things that are mine are the original characters.  Which in this chapter they do not appear.  So, more or less, nothing here belongs to me.  There.  I have said it.  Be happy.

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Chapter 1- The first memory 

            Hermione frowned at the note within her hands.  What could it possibly say?  Curiosity and frustration rose within her mind.  One would think it would be much simpler to just say what had happened, instead of sending her to see Albus.  Honestly, it made her feel like she was a student all over again.  How very disturbing.  She sighed and looked at the beautiful ring on her finger, smiling at the concrete reminder.  Of course the man she was to be marrying was not one for delving deep into his personal thoughts, otherwise he would not have waited two years, and her practically jumping him to get him to propose.  She laughed at that as she reached the stairs to the headmaster's quarters.  "Cookies, Toffee Molasses." The passwords for his office always got sweeter and sweeter…

            The staircase rose and she climbed them.  "Albus?" She heard some movement in the other end of his office, and then seen him come down with a light smile on his face.

            "Ah, Hermione, it is nice to see you.  What might I do for you? Lemon drop?" She smiled at him and politely shook her head.

            "No, not quite.  Severus sent me here with this letter.  He didn't say what it was about."  She handed the letter to him and he opened it.  After a moment he finished reading and he looked over his glasses at her.

            "This is a rather serious matter.  Come with me, Madame, so I may discuss this with you in private."  She gave him a confused look, but followed him into a separate room that was hidden behind a bookcase.  "He has told me that he wishes you to look into his pensieve.  It seems he wishes you to know certain things of his past, but cannot bring himself to say it in person.  He has also written that he wishes me to inform you that some of the things you might see may not be pretty, and hopes that you will understand." She nodded slowly.

            "I understand, I know what he was.  Thank you, Professor Dumbledore."  He gave her a small thin smile, raised his hand to her shoulder for reassurance, and then left her in the room.  She sighed.  So that what all this was about.  She walked to the middle of the room and opened the pensieve, and was dazzled at the swirling wonder before her.  She looked down and seen something resembling a window.  How odd… She leaned closer, and then practically fell in.

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            A small dark haired boy sat in a small dark room, curled up in the corner of the bed that seemed to take up most of the floor space.  It looked like a cell it was so gray and bland; there wasn't even a window.  He curled his knees up to his chin and wrapped his arms about them.  This couldn't be… Severus?  Before she could carefully analyze the situation laid out before her, a scantily clad house elf popped into the room holding a small plate of food.  

            "Young Master Snape, Brini has brought Severus some food.  Brini is acting horrible, Brini will slam hands into door when next gets the chance." He didn't look at her.

            "I won't eat it.  Take it away." He spoke in a whisper.

            "But, Young Master, I" He looked at her then, and she seen his eyes were red from tears, and his voice never crept above a light whisper.  It sent chills down her spine.

            "NO.  I won't have you getting into trouble by disobeying their direct orders again.  I have gone without a days food before, it isn't worth you getting hurt for me."

            "But, Master must eat!  Young Master is not at all healthy, Brini worries for him, she does."  He sighed and looked away from her.

            "I shall be fine.  I always seem to end up all right.  It is not as if they worry anyhow.  I will do without for today." The elf's ears drooped and its shoulders slumped down.

            "Yes, Young Master, Brini will do as Master commands of her."  She popped out again and she watched him curiously a moment.  It wasn't for too long before the door opened again and a tall man stood in front of it like an abysmal shadow.  She shrank back away from him, and she noticed that Severus had flinched.

            "YOU!" He didn't look up to the man.

            "Yes sir?"  The man pointed out to the other room in the same fashion that she had seen Severus do himself many times.  She now understood where he had inherited the oppressive demeanor…  He looked up at him then to see the action, and the man roared.  

            "Did I give you permission to let your gaze touch me you filth?!" She gasped at the mans words, "Get up, get out!  Your creator seems to think you wish outside."  He quickly stumbled out of the small cell and out into the hall.  She found herself gasping again, but this time in wonderment.  How could such a beautiful place house such a horrid and small room?

            "May I look out the window sir?"  The man grunted and the boy went to the window looking out of it wide-eyed.  It was in this time, in the light, that she was able to assess him better.  She noticed he was about 8 or nine years old, most likely this had been before he had even attended Hogwarts.  He was extremely pale, even paler than she remembered him to be, which she though to be near impossible, as he seemed nearly white as it was.  His eyes still had that haunting look in them, strange, she had always thought that had come after his becoming a deatheater…  "It is snowing."

            "Is it?" Hermione turned to look back at the imposing figure again and seen the sadistic smirk that befell Severus many times whenever it was he was planning something sinister, yet amusing to himself.  She gulped back the fear of what this man might do, if this was truly the man that he had learned it from.  "Perhaps… We should actually go outside.  Make a snowman, like you have always wanted." The boy frowned.

            "But it is so bright out there… and…" The man came up to him, giving him a false smile and put a hand upon his shoulder as he knelt down to him.

            "Yes, but the cold of winter should keep you from burning, I have never heard of a sunburn in the middle of winter, have you?" The boy shook his head and the man stood again.  "Good… Now get your coat on, boy, and trust your Father for once…" Father?  Hermione walked around to get a good look at the man's features.  Long silken black hair, a large hooked nose, and a bit pale, but not completely comparable to that of Severus skin tone.  Yes, she could see the resemblance now.  

            The boy smiled and quickly put on his coat, and the two filed outside, Hermione following of course.  For a moment they seemed a happy pair, but once a good ways from the house, she watched as the man drew his wand from a hidden sheath within his cloak, pointing at his son the moment the boy's back was turned.  She watched in horror as she heard the softly spoken, "Petrificus Totallus" and watched her young love fall stiffly into the snow.  The man walked up to his son who was now half buried in the snow and smirked.  "Perhaps it would do you well to take this time to learn from your atrocious behavior, you sick excuse for a living… _thing" _He spat it out as if it contained poison, and then turned from him.  "It is bad enough I must provide you with a bed, and food to eat, along with the bloody medical expenses you incur, but never ask of me the precious time that I could be doing something of use.  Good day." With that the man briskly walked back into the house, leaving his petrified son still lying within the snow alone.  Hermione went to run for him, but things started to swirl in front of her, and suddenly she was in Hogwarts infirmary.


	2. Why So Pale?

A/N-  Here is the next chapter, sorry that it isn't all that long, I will try and make the next chapter a bit longer.  Anyways, thank you for the reviews, they are greatly appreciated.  :)  I love to get them, so don't hesitate to push the button.  Hehe.

Also a note- Sorry that it might not be in its best form, but I don't spend so much time on this story as I do my others.  As I have said before, this is a companion piece to Return to Youth which is first person pov of Severus Snape, so my adding this will be

So if anyone wants to beta the story, just say so, I would be more than happy to let you :)

Disclaimer- I don't own it.

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Chapter 2- Why so pale?

            Why was she in the infirmary?  Hermione quickly looked around her, but could not see Severus.  He HAD to be here though; after all it was his memory…  She started to search, but soon seen Poppy just appear out of nowhere, and she quickly walked to her supplies.  Hermione followed her, and she noticed that she was talking to herself.  "Bloody parents, he never would've got this bad if they would at least take care of the boy properly.  Honestly, I never…" This was all that Hermione could understand of her ranting as she went into a jumble of utterances that were incomprehensible.

            She shrugged off her curiosity and went to the spot where Poppy had appeared.  She took a deep breath, and then continued on.  Soon she was inside of a ward, the room was very dark, the only light from a small glowing lamp from the furthest point from the bed.  She heard choking and neared the figure in the bed.  Her eyes went wide as she seen that the person that was in the fetal position before her was none other than Severus…  His skin was bright red and he was coughing up blood… She gave a small cry, why was he coughing up blood? Why?  He started to wheeze, and Poppy rushed back in.  "Here, drink this…" She spoke softly and held it to his mouth, and he gladly took in the unknown potion.  She sighed and then sat next to him as his body slowly relaxed from the effects of the potion.  "Better now?"

            "Yes" His voice was raspy and thin, and Hermione cringed at the sound of it.  

            "You should've stayed for the winter break you know.  It wouldn't be this bad if you had."

            "Probably." It was the answer for both questions within one word.  Even at this age, he had known how to be concise without wasting a word.  It was awful, yet amazing all at the same time to her.

            "It is the second time this year… How many times does this happen at home?" He gave a half shrug, still lying down.

            "Often enough." Poppy's face mirrored that of concern, but he didn't notice.  He never looked at her the entire time.  "You don't need to stay around.  They don't." She sighed again.

            "It isn't right." He chose to not answer her, though his face contorted with something resembling grief.

            "I wouldn't know." She looked to him in surprise, and was about to say something when he spoke again.  "I don't wish your pity.  Finish what you must, and leave me be." His voice softened towards the end, and had a completely different tone by the next words he spoke, closer to forlorn perhaps.  "It is better to not think of those things which you do not have, as not to lose oneself in false hopes." She nodded.

            "I apologize then." She paused, grabbed a bottle of liquid, and poured it upon his skin, which soaked it up like a sponge.  He let out a breathy sigh of relief when it touched his skin.  "Just remember that I shall be here for you whenever you need me." He nodded slowly.

            "I shall remember that." She stood and started to leave, but then briefly turned back to him.

            "See that you do." She then left.  As much as Hermione had the desire to stay with her future love, she felt compelled to follow Poppy.  She soon seen Albus appear, and the two started to talk.

            "How is he, any improvement?" Poppy sighed.

            "Not much, if any at all.  It is a disgusting thing, the things the boy's parents do.  I am sure they know the attention he needs, with his condition.  And the other students have the nerve to call him a vampire.  Vampire indeed! Porphyria is a serious disease!"

            "I hope that we will find a complete cure for him soon.  The sun is not toxic to him, thankfully, but he burns so easily.  It is lucky for him that he has never had the true form of the disease, otherwise he would not be able to go out at all." She nodded silently and then quietly added.

            "I know it is not truly Porphyria, but I don't know what else to call it…  The potions we have been trying so far seem to be helping more and more.  Perhaps we shall find this cure soon." He nodded solemnly as suddenly the scenery changed again.  Hermione found herself standing at a very familiar place.  Platform 9 ¾.


	3. Of Marauders and Difficult Potions

A/N- Sorry for the delay, I didn't mean to take so long before I wrote this chapter.  I hope that you like it, and I love reviews, so review away.  Once again I am sorry for any bad grammar and whatnot.

Disclaimer- I own nothing of Harry Potter, and not of Severus Snape (No matter how much I wish on the latter that it would be true) Although, I DO own that little wizard figurine here in the corner.. *points to the little sculpture of a wizard fighting a dragon* Ok, ok, don't ask.. 

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**Chapter 3- Of Marauders and Difficult Potions**

Hermione found she was standing in front of the train, and soon spotted the person she was looking for.  She rushed over to him and stood, waiting for whatever it may be that happened to Severus in this memory.  Just as usual it was rushed and crowded, and she found herself looking for his parents.  They had more or less been in some way affiliated with every other memory so far in there, so why not now?

She was wrong though, for shortly a small familiar group neared the two, and she smiled.  So that is what the Marauders looked like when they were in school.  She found that Harry looked remarkably like his father the only difference being the scar perhaps and the eye color, the boy smirked.

"Why look, if it isn't _Snivilus _himself making a daytime appearance." A laugh came from the one that must have been Sirius.  Her look of fondness suddenly transformed into one of horror as she watched them surround him.  She noticed a muscle jump slightly in Severus' jaw, but he ignored them.  "So, Snivilus, what brings a bat like you out in the light this fine, fine day?  I always thought that vampires preferred the dark." This time she saw Potter laugh to Sirius' remark.  It was like they were having a contest of wit, but having live bait.  It was completely unfair.  James put his arm around Severus' shoulders and the boy flinched, but still pretended that he was alone, burying his nose even further into his book.  Sirius grabbed it from him, and started to read some of what it was he was reading.  His face contorted into a look of disgust, and he threw it down into the train tracks.  The moment he had done this, a small group of people started to gather around the small group and she noticed that Severus was now watching the group in cold speculation.

"I do believe I was reading that." 

"The precise timing for wormwood to be added is 2 and ¾ seconds, to the exact.  You call that reading, you bat?" The boy sneered.

"I happen to believe that it is rather intellectually stimulating, not rotting as that fluff you call quidditch magazines I see you and your wonderful little friends wondering about with all the time." It was low pitched and etched with more acid than one might think possible for such a lengthy spiel.  Suddenly James' mouth twisted into a horrid smile as he flicked out his wand and muttered the spell under his breath.

"Aqueous Totallus!"  In a quick burst of light Severus was drenched from head to toe.  As the boy gasped for air as the water streaked down his face, the crowd erupted into laughter, and Hermione cringed as she saw the look on his face that meant that he was trying to hide inside of himself.  

"Will you leave him be for once?" A Ravenclaw girl had appeared next to the Marauders with her arms crossed.  She blew a stray strand of red hair from her face.  It was. Harry's mom?  To be sure, she stepped closer to them, and with odd resignation, she realized it was true.  "Must you always hunt him down?  Honestly, I would have thought you would have realized the error in your ways by now, Potter, and furthermore"

"I can handle this well myself, you idiot.  I have no desire to be helped, nor will I receive it from someone from another house, let alone a mudblood." Hermione turned back to him and was surprised to notice that he must have used a drying spell upon himself.  Her heart had fluttered with the way the term 'mudblood' had just flowed from his lips with such ease.  How strange, as the same term if ever used came out as if it left a sour taste upon his lips, instead of the sweetness it had here.  She was left with this thought as he continued his speech. "Now, if you all don't mind, I would rather board the train, hopefully without another incident." He turned sharply from the group but she heard him whisper to himself, "And don't worry, you shall pay for this somehow, Potter." He was soon gone, and she heard the whispers of the rest of them, the Marauders chuckling and sniping about Snape, and the last words she heard from Lilly.

"Why can't he just accept my help?"

Once again colors blended in together and she once again found herself in another place.  Where was she now?  She looked around her surroundings carefully, and noticed she was in a small, yet elaborate potions lab.  It was dark green, with black tabletops, with just a shade lighter green upon the floor.  She then noticed Snape, hovering over a cauldron, his stringy hair falling from his face as he carefully brewed a potion.  She must have gone further back into time, as he looked only about seven years old in this memory. How strange. And yet.

And yet he was brewing a difficult looking potion with what looked like a normal expertise, his lithe hands carefully measuring and pausing for the perfect timing.  Surely he had to be too young for this sort of work.  She rounded him to see what it was that he was working on and gasped at what she found.  The Lezathras potion?  It was a potion to calm a person down who was near madness, or to help them deal with grief or near traumatic experiences.  Why was he brewing that?  They had learned the potion in sixth year, so it was a more advanced potion, and only half of the class had gotten it right, or would have if Neville hadn't happened to explode his cauldron that day. Again.  She sighed at the memory, but watched the small boy work, even this young his hands and movements had grace to them when working with a potion, but anytime that the boy stepped away, she noticed the stiff way he moved, almost twitchy, or on edge about something.

She started to wonder why this was a memory important enough for the pensieve when a slim, tall woman with a sour expression walked through the room, her hands upon her hips, and a sneer of distaste upon her large lips.  It must have been his mother, as she was as pale as he was, more with the currently than the paper white boy in front of her though.  Unhealthily yellowish, the pale Dumbledore always complained about before the accident.  

She moved closer to the woman and studied her, she was basically a beautiful woman, and she had full lips, a perfectly proportional body, and a face so eloquent it would put most royalty to shame.  It was her eyes though that gave her away, so sour and angry, hatred almost poured out of them with tangibility.  She suddenly was reminded of the tales of Medusa she had read about in Greek Mythology.  She gave a sour laugh, and started to wonder if Severus would agree with her. Excessively beautiful, yet her soul was so full of acid the mere presence of it would turn anyone who looked into her eyes to stone, after all the eyes were the windows to ones soul.

She suddenly had the uneasy feeling she was about to find out why this memory had stuck out in his mind.


	4. Mommy Dearest

A/N- Sorry about the long delay, I have been busy writing a short story for my creative writing class and time just sorta got away from me.  Anyways, I hope you like this chapter.

Disclaimer- I only own one character, and she hasn't shown up yet, so in this chapter, I own nothing. *Sob*

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Chapter 4-   Mommy Dearest 

_She suddenly was reminded of the tales of Medusa she had read about in Greek Mythology.  She gave a sour laugh, and started to wonder if Severus would agree with her… Excessively beautiful, yet her soul was so full of acid the mere presence of it would turn anyone who looked into her eyes to stone, after all the eyes were the windows to ones soul._

She suddenly had the uneasy feeling she was about to find out why this memory had stuck out in his mind…

            "Are you not finished yet, you miserable leech?   I even gave you five more minutes than expected; I need the Lezathras for… Though… YOU don't need to know that you stupid…" She cut herself off, pursed her lips and brought her fingers to the bridge of her nose… At that action alone Hermione came to the conclusion that this must be Severus' mother, as she had seen him do that exact same thing many times.

            "But Mother, it must simmer for two more minutes before-" At this the woman rushed forward and grabbed him in irritation.  Hermione watched as he dipped his fingers into the still brewing potion just a mere second before the irate woman started to drag him away.  Hermione could only watch in open-mouthed horror as the woman walked through the corridors dragging the small boy.  Finally the woman stopped seething enough to actually speak.

            "Never, **_NEVER _**call me by such sentimentalities, I loathe the fact I had you, and I wish to never be reminded of this fact.  It was madness that drove me to disobey your sire and conceive you, how I have put us both through the torture of having a _thing _like you around all the time.  Only a few more years and we can send you away to that place called a school so to be rid of your miserable…" She stopped her rant long enough to throw Severus against the wall. "Sit." The small boy obeyed.  

            Hermione watched as the taller woman opened the door next to him, and she caught her breath.  It was beautiful… She stepped inside to admire the small greenhouse like sunroom, plants growing just about everywhere, but none enough to really provide any shade.  Suddenly it dawned on her… Severus…  She quickly turned to the door again to see his mother throw him inside.  "Finish your potions on time, boy, be this a lesson to you." She watched as the door slammed and heard it lock.  She ran to Severus.

            "Severus…" She went to touch the small child but then recoiled her hand.  He crawled into the corner of the room and pulled himself into a fetal position, sucking on the fingers that he had dipped into the potion.  She watched horrified as tears started to silently run down his cheeks, and the skin that was exposed slowly start to turn pink.

            Her surrounding melted again, and she looked around her curiously.  Where was she now?  It was a large room, sort of like a banquet hall but a tad smaller.  Fancy tables were crowded into the room, and Severus Snape was standing off in the corner as if he were a statue.  She neared him.  He looked as though he were in his early teens at this point, 13, and 14 at the best.  Though… She squinted at him; he looked so strange actually, compared to the way he first appeared to her… Still appeared to her.  His nose wasn't quite as hooked as this, and his complexion not so splotchy either.  How strange.   She shook her head to clear her thoughts and then seen him cringe slightly.  She looked around and saw the cause to the cringe.  The tall woman quickly made her way to her son and stopped just in front of him.

            "Is the Lezathras done yet?" He nodded.

            "Yes Madame." She smirked as the boy stared in front of himself blankly, unmoving.

            "May I have it then?" She held out her hand and Severus obediently placed the vile of Lezathras into it.  "Good boy, maybe you _will_ get something to eat tonight.  Now off with you." He nodded and started to head to the door, but not before seeing her uncork the potion and drink it.  Hermione saw him clench his hand to this and then he left.  Once again the room changed.

"YOU!" Hermione heard the voice and cringed at its harshness.  Once again it was his mother.  "You didn't let the potion simmer long enough, it wasn't potent enough!  I hardly felt anything from it you insolent little brat!"  She watched as she saw his mother come down to the boys face in a loud smack.  He turned back to her with his jaw set.

"You're addicted to it aren't you?  I have no other explanation for it.  All these years I thought I was making it for my sire after his meetings with Voldemort, but I seen you drink it yesterday." The woman clenched her jaw and Hermione could have sworn that they had turned red as well.

"How dare you…." Her voice was calm and quiet, radiating fury, but Severus still just looked her dead on.  "How dare you accuse me of such a thing?  Me?  Addicted to a potion like Lezathras?  You make me sick!" She suddenly grabbed out her wand and after a soft mutter and a bright burst of light Severus was thrown against the wall.  "Never question me, you idiotic child." She turned then, and left.

The scene melted away, and when they stopped swirling, Hermione deducted that his mother was the main focus of these memories. 

The woman had burst into the room tears staining her face, chest heaving as if in a combination of fury and despair.  She barely had a chance to see the way Severus looked before the woman got out her wand and blasted the boy from his chair.  He landed on the ground with a loud thud, and he groaned. 

"Is there something I can do for you, Madame?" He peered up with his black eyes through his long hair, hatred emanating from them as he did.

"I have come to say that he is dead, and YOU are to take his place.  I will have no argument on this, you are to have a meeting with one of them this morning, in precisely five minutes, do not be late."  She turned on her heel and left.  A look of shock passed Severus' face, and then horror.

"No…" He whispered.  He got up and followed her, holding his side where the beam had hit him.  Soon they were in the room with a dark cloaked man.  He looked oddly familiar, but could not place him yet.  The man spoke.

"Hello, Severus."  The man stood and lowered his hood.  Her jaw dropped open, it couldn't be…

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A/N- Hope you enjoyed this one, and a thank you to everyone that has reviewed.  I love to get them so don't be discouraged.  Hehe :)  Anyways, I will try to get the next chapter up faster than I did this one, and once again I apologize for taking so long.


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